Stop Pretending to be "Fine"

Have you ever been asked the infamous question "How are you" and you respond with "Fine" when inside your heart is screaming out that it's not fine and that your not okay?  Have you ever wanted to scream out to the world that you are broken, frustrated, overwhelmed and not okay one bit?  If so, then this post is for you.

On my favorite show that I always talk about, Studio 5, they had a segment a couple of weeks ago called 'Stop Pretending to be 'Fine''  I really enjoyed this segment because it spoke directly to me.  Whenever someone asks me how I am doing I always put a smile on my face and say "I am fine" or "Good" when really I am having the hardest time.  But sometimes I am afraid of spilling my guts or complaining about things in my life that may not seem like such a huge deal to them. One thing that Julie de Azevedo Hanks said in this segment is to 'asses the relationship.' If anacquaintance asks you how you are doing you might respond differently than if a family member or close friend asks you how you are doing. I always try to sound happy and act like nothing is going on but sometimes I just let it all out to family and it has actually helped sharing somethings with them. I have a wonderful sister-in-law that has helped me through some dark times. She has been in these situations before and she has really helped me out. It's nice when you finally let out how you really feel and you find out that they have been through the same thing and share with you what helped them overcome that situation.

The last thing that I liked from this segment was when she talked about being brave. She says; "What will I gain if I share my real self with others? It takes courage to be real and share your struggles, but the payoff is worth it. Closer relationships, more emotional support and help are just a few of the benefits of sharing more of yourself with others. I hope this is true because that is why I started this blog. For the longest time I always felt like I was the only one going through some of the struggles I am going through but then a couple of weeks ago I found out that I wasn't the only one out there and that there were many others going through trials like me.

Since I am talking about being brave and sharing how you really feel, I would like to share with you what I am going through right now. This is a little hard for me to talk about but I can't overcome my feelings if I don't share them. I suffer with major insecurity. I always feel like what I do is never good enough. I was not an A student like my brothers, I am not amazing at sports like my brothers, or popular like them. I don't have children, and suffer from spending too much money and in result with debt. I don't have a lot of friends and feel like it is really hard for me to make friends. I feel like I have all of these great things in mind for me and can see where my life would go but then when I try to get there I just fall short and can't complete them like I thought. Maybe I just set my goals too high for me to complete, whatever it is, I would like it to stop so I can feel accomplished. Have you ever felt this way? If so, how did you overcome these thoughts and feelings? How have you succeeded in something that you really wanted to accomplish? If you want, take a minute to share some ideas, I would really appreciate it! Thanks for letting me share my true feelings! Until next time!

Do You Know Who You Are?

One of my many struggles in life at this moment is knowing who I am.  I think for a long time I have grown up under my parents wing and not really known how to figure out how to be myself or who that really is.  Within the last couple of months I have been really struggling with who am I and who do I want to become? I feel like I am getting older and feeling like my old high school self when other people my age seem so much more grown up than I am.  Maybe that is due to the fact that they have kids and I don't, I am not sure why I feel that way.  Since I started this blog I have really tried to research some topics and get ideas on what to talk about and I feel like this is one of the biggest things that I need to figure out for myself before I try to fix all the other problems I have.

I was browsing through Studio 5 looking at past articles that they had for the 'Living Without Pretending' segment that they have this month and I came across exactly what I was looking for.  'Do You Know Who You Are' was a segment that they had a couple weeks ago and it was perfect for what I was needing.  Of course it doesn't magically make me realize who I am but it will help me in that direction.  Here is the video from this segment:


Karen Eddington who is a Self-Worth analyst made this very real and true comment: "We don't magically find ourselves, we create ourselves. We don't wake up one day and get it all at once and then keep that all-at-once mindset our entire life. Rather, we create ourselves through choices and being accountable for those choices. We fear making a wrong choice, we fear failure, and we fear rejection so we often try to remain neutral. We pretend instead of take a risk. We are fake because sometimes it hurts to be real. Don't pretend--choose."  I added a link to her website by clicking her name.

On her website she has a link to a worksheet called 'I Am.'  This is a great work sheet to start finding out who you really are.  I thought that it would be good to share my answers on this worksheet with you. So for the next four weeks every Tuesday I will be sharing a portion of this 'I Am' worksheet with you so stay tuned!  I encourage all of you to go on her website and download this and answers these questions for yourself either on a blog or in a journal.

The first piece that it talks about is Heritage: Where do you come from? I come from a great mormon family.  I was born in Salt Lake City, Utah and raised in Bountiful and Centerville.  My mother is from Salt Lake and is such a talented lady.  She is the strongest lady I know, she had to be raising myself and four brothers.  My father was born and raised in Bountiful Utah.  He is the strongest, most loving father I could have ever asked for.  He has given me the life that I could have only dreamed of living, even though at times I may not have seemed grateful.  I think the person that I would love to be growing up and the person that I look up to in finding who I am is my Grandma Stringham.  She is the strongest, most talented, and spiritual person I know.  She has been through so much in her lifetime and I have not heard her complain once.  She loved sewing, painting, and making these beautiful dolls but arthritis has gotten the best of her.  She is not able to do those things that she loves anymore but I have never heard her complain once about it in her life.  I want to strive to be just like her and try to not complain about things in my life anymore no matter how big or small the trial may be.  That is only a little bit about my heritage, there are a lot more people that I look up to but that would turn into a novel and this is a blog post not a book.

So I hope you take time out of your busy day to first watch the video from Studio 5, download the 'I Am' worksheet and write up the answers in your journal or some where you keep safe.  Thanks for reading!