New Things are In Store!!

I am happy/sad to announce that I have a new blog up.  I am sad to announce because I loved my first blog and the topics that we discussed but I am so excited to show you my new blog.  I hope that you will follow me, there are some exciting things in store!!

Here is the name of my blog along with the link: My Beautiful Confused Mess again, I hope you will join me over there!  Thanks!

National Infertility Awareness Week

Today I am full of gratitude in my heart for Megan at And Here's to You Mrs. Robinson she had a guest on her blog by the name of Amanda from A Royal Daughter and her post was exactly what I needed in my life right now.  As most of you know I am suffering with infertility, and if you didn't know you can read my blog post here.  This week has been a really hard week for me and I feel myself struggling with not having a child more frequently.  But today I came across her post and I am so grateful.  She informed me that it was National Infertility Awareness Week, I had no idea.  She has a lot of great posts about infertility and her journey and what she has learned.

Here are the links that I loved the most:

• Lies Women Believe About Infertility
• Infertility Resources
• Infertility from the Husband's Perspective ( I thought this was so great you always here from the wife's perspective and never from the husbands )
• Join the Movement

This has helped me tremendously this week, she has a lot of great words and insight to help you.  If you are going through this journey I hope you take the time to read these links and I hope this can give you insight, hope, and clarity into infertility.

Lottery, Dream House, and More!

Haile over at Penguins, Pasta & Polka Dots has this fun weekly link up that I thought would be fun to participate in so here it is!

This week's First Things First topics are:

First thing you would do/buy if you won the lottery

First person you call when you get amazing news

First thing you do when you've had a bad day

So here are my answers!

1. First thing you would do/buy if you won the lottery: The first thing I would do is pay 10% of it in tithe to the church that I belong to.  After that I would pay off our debt so that we could live debt free.  Then I would buy our dream house in our dream area and have a farm with chickens, horses, pigs.  With a lake that we could have ducks and fish and go boating.  Then I would buy my husband a GTO that he dreams about having and then if there is money left over buy me something nice.

2. First person you call when you get amazing news: Along with everyone else I am sure, the first person I would call is my husband then I would call my mom and dad then Derek's family.  I love sharing good news so I usually share it with a lot of people, I always hate sharing bad news.

3. First thing you do when you've had a bad day.  I usually call my husband and vent about the situation and he usually makes me feel better.  Then once I am home from work I veg out and eat ice cream and cookies and watch a movie with my husband and try to forget about the day.

Now it's your turn! Answer the questions in a post then click on the picture and link up with everybody!  Can't wait to see what your first thing first answers are!

The Way We View Ourselves

I am sure by now that many of you have seen this video being liked and shared on Facebook, but if you haven't here it is.  This is such an amazing video that I think every woman should watch and take in.  It's one thing to just watch the video but it's another to really take something from it and apply it to your life.

This video was produced by Dove for woman about how you view yourselves and how other view you.  

I love this concept.  I am very harsh on myself I look at myself in the mirror and think about all of the things that I could change about myself.  When in reality we are just being very hard on ourselves and others view us in a completely different way.  I am going to set a goal for myself to look at myself and not tell myself all of the things I wish were different and try to look at myself as how others look at me. 
What do you think of this video?

Prayers for Boston

My heart goes out to those that are affected by the Boston Marathon Bombing.  It's amazing to me how so many people came together to help those affected in the race and ran towards them instead of away.  I know it can be hard to think that there are so many awful people in the world but I know that there is more than double the amount of amazing and helpful and courageous people out there to the horrible ones.  We as society like to talk about all the awful things going on because it's "news" when there are people every day risking their live for others or striving to make this world a better place.

I wanted to share this video with you.  I know this talks about crossing the finish line and may be a hard topic for some of you out there but the message itself is what is important.  Through all of these awful things that go on in our world we are not alone. "Fear not, I am with thee oh be not dismayed for I am with thee and will give thee aid, I'll strengthen thee and help thee and cause thee to stand omnipotent hand."  I know that we can all come together and help those that may have gone through this terrible ordeal.  Send messages of comfort and love.  Let them know that they are not alone.

 


Here are a couple of links that could help as well.

• Staying Positive in a Negative World
• Finding Strength Amidst Grief

Life Lately...

Today I wanted to take a break from talking about serious stuff and share with you what we have been up to lately.  My husband Derek lost his job the end of March and we finally found him a new one that he just started last Monday he is loving it and it so nice to know that he has a job again.  He will also be graduating with his Bachelors in Communication on April 26th and I am so excited for him to be done with school.

I have been having a hard time with life lately dealing with infertility and life stresses so last week my husband Derek surprised me with an amazing date night to help take my mind off of things and relax. I got home and he jumped out of no where and put my scarf on my head and told me to close my eyes and not to peek. This didn't work out too well because the scarf had holes in it and I could see so he grabbed a towel from his back seat and but that over my head. 

He drove around and around taking roads left and right and confusing me so I wouldn't know where we were going.  With all of his stopping and going and turning I got really car sick, I almost puked.  We finally arrived at our stop.  I had no clue where we were or what we were doing, other than we were going to eat first.  With all the bumps we were hitting and slow moving and stopping and going I thought we were in the mountain some where.  Little did I know we were in downtown Layton.  Derek came to the car to let me out but still told me to close my eyes, so I kept my eyes closed the whole way.  I was proud of myself for not peeking it is so hard for me to not know where we were going.  I suddenly heard country music playing and I was trying to figure out what restaurant we were at.  I didn't know until we sat down and he let me open my eyes.  We had arrived at Texas Roadhouse.  I was so excited!! I looked on the table and there were these beautiful flowers on the table.  I was very impressed.  Underneath the flowers were two tickets the a movie, The Host.

My handsomely, awesome, amazing husband!!! And the beautiful flowers.

Us at the movie The Host.  It was actually pretty good, a little long but good.

Have you ever been surprised with a date night?  I would love to hear from you!

Capable of More Than You Know!

Have any of you seen the new move "Oz the Great and Powerful?"  We saw it a couple weeks ago and we really enjoyed it.



Yesterday on Studio 5, a local program here in Utah, they talked about this movie and how you can bring Oz into your home.  They had some really cool ideas of activities to do with your children.  Click here to see the ideas they shared!

There was a quote that Glinda, the Good Witch said in this movie that I absolutely loved when I heard it in the movie then they mentioned it on Studio 5.  She said, "you are capable of more than you know."  I love this quote, sometimes I tell myself I can't accomplish things for fear of really not accomplishing them.  However, I have seen myself accomplish things and tackle hard life challenges better than I thought I ever could. So always remember:

You can download this file here.

Awesome Giveaway!!

One of my very best friends Amberly Lambersten who has been a mentor to me in this blogging world is having a giveaway on her blog to celebrate 100 followers.  She was sweet enough to invite me to be part of this giveaway along with 7 other girls:

 -Amanda {We & Serendipity} Giving away The Family a Proclamation to the World (poem, quote or song of winner's choice) overlaid photo.

-Kristin {Be You. Love You}(that's me!) Giving away a Date Night Pack (This Means War, A Gift Certificate to your favorite restaurant, Sparkling Cider and Champagne glasses for two.

-Megan Robinson {And Here's to You, Mrs. Robinson} Giving away a surprise date night pack.

-Alesha {Lifeology} Giving away a $25 Gift Certificate to The Cheesecake Factory.

- Kaitlyn {Wifessionals} Giving away 5 Free Redbox Rental Codes.

- Amberly {Life with Amberly & Joe} The Five Love Languages and The Five Love Languages Men's Edition books.

-Sierra {Oh, Just Living the Dream} An awesome book on marriage and relationships

Enter here!!! It is open from midnight last night to midnight Friday night.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

GOOD LUCK!!!

The Big Elephant in Blog World

Pregnancy the Elephant in Blog World

Warning: Depressive content.  This is really hard for me to share with you all.  It is a sensitive subject with everyone.  Understand that these are only my feelings.  I don't want to offend anyone but I just needed to share my feelings in hoping that I may feel better.  I think I have read this 10 times and have anxiety pressing the publish button but here it goes.

Good Morning! I apologize for being MIA lately, I have kind of been struggling a little bit lately.  I titled this blog post "The Big Elephant in Blog World" this elephant's name is Pregnancy (for those of us who struggle getting pregnant).  It seems lately that everyone in the blogging world is announcing they are pregnant, giving 'bump' updates, talking about their experiences and talking about children.  Don't get me wrong I am so extremely thrilled for them and so happy for their new journey in life.  However, for those of us who are struggling getting pregnant it can be a stab in your heart every time you see a blog post or a status update on Facebook about babies.  Today I would like to talk about something that has been really hard for me the last couple of years and getting harder day by day and that is Infertility and my journey with Infertility.



My husband and I were married four years ago, we knew that we didn't want to get pregnant right away so I went on birth control like many other newly married couples. Growing up no one really talks about Infertility and not being able to get pregnant so I didn't think it was going to be that hard and that I could get off birth control and get pregnant right away.  Boy was I naive! After a couple of months I was starting to get really emotional and felt like my husband couldn't do anything right and just really rude.  I talked to a couple of friends who said that their birth control made them really moody and when they got off they weren't as moody. So I got off of it right away, hoping that would help and my husband and I could go back to being happy. This worked for us as a couple but little did I know that it caused some other issues inside.  I started gaining a lot of weight, I started having irregular periods and with each month there was no pregnancy.  I was confused and frustrated as to why I wasn't getting pregnant with not being on birth control or using protection.  I tried doctor after doctor to figure out what was wrong but with each one they gave me a shot to force my period to start and sent me on my way.  There was no taking the the time to help me figure out what was going on.  I was frustrated and sick of doctors and not helping.  I finally went to a doctor that a friend of mine went to with the same issue and he really helped. her.  He did an ultrasound and found cysts all over my ovaries and told me that I had PCOS = Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome which if you look it up online it is condition in which a woman have an imbalance of a female sex hormones. This may lead to menstrual cycle changes, cysts in the ovaries, trouble getting pregnant, and other health changes. Knowing this made things clearer in my life but also made things a lot harder.  My doctor told me that with PCOS it makes it a lot more difficult to get pregnant and depending on the severity of the cysts I might not be able to get pregnant at all.  This was the hardest thing for me to hear in my life, I wanted children so bad and I felt like I was ready to have children but this was stopping me. My doctor suggested some things that we could do to remove the cysts and see if that would help, we tried three different things and none of those worked.  I got so discouraged and depressed and just so alone.  I felt like everyone else was able to go through this wonderful journey of having children but I was having to watch and pretend I was fine.  My husband of course being the sweet man he was tried to help me and make me feel better but he just didn't understand what I was going through.  It got harder and harder to attend family dinners and having my sister-in-laws talk about their children and especially when my younger sister-in-law got pregnant having them talk about pregnancy and what she should be feeling and going through and then labor.  Every time this is talked about my heart aches so bad and I feel like there is something missing within me.  My sweet sister-in-law Natalie came up to me and said, "I now have a small understanding of how it feels to not be pregnant.  It's like having something you want the most out of anything being just ripped right out of your hands or dangling in front of you and you not being able to have it.  I am so sorry for what you are going through"  You are exactly right Natalie.  I am so grateful that she said this it is was so sweet of her. Again, I am so happy for them in their lives and that they have their children and I love their children to death.  I don't want people to stop talking about their children or announcing that they are pregnant because it is a glorious thing and they should share it.  I just wanted people to know how hard it is to go through Infertility.

I am sorry for being a downer on a Monday but I felt like it was time to share my Infertility journey.  This is really hard for me to share because I don't want people to take it the wrong way.  For those that are pregnant I am so extremely happy for you, I can't wait for you to go through that journey and to see your precious babies! For those that are struggling, join me, you are not alone, we can get through this together. We can share what we have gone through and what has or hasn't worked for us.  Lets kick this Infertility battle in the butt!!!

Oh. P.S. my husband got a job!!! Yay, it is a great job with awesome pay and great benefits.  I couldn't be happier!!!

The Piano Guys

Last night my husband and I had the wonderful Opportunity to see Jon Schmidt in concert at a local High School.  He is usually with a couple of other people that make up the Piano Guys but last night he was just by himself.  He is such an amazing pianist and so I thought for Fabulous Friday I would share a few of my favorite songs that he played last night.  Enjoy and have a Fabulous Friday!



This one is my absolute favorite song! I actually learned to play it and love playing it every time I can!
This one was just so funny!! Love them!!

Sorry for the overload!

How to Stop Competing

The topic I would like to share with you today is about competing this is such a huge problem for me in my life. I tend to find myself competing with others over having a great blog, being skinny, and trying to be the best. I know I am not the best one bit but I compete with my inner self on being the best.  This video from Studio 5 is so great and is exactly what I needed to hear. Julie de Azevedo Hanks talks about 'How to Stop Competing with Others.' I would like to touch on a few key parts:

1. Here are 4 reasons why we compete:

• We compete to cover up insecurities and self-doubt
• We compete to prove self worth, that we're good enough and loveable. I think this may be the number one reason why I compete.
• We compete because we're afraid that there is a limited supply of love and success.
• We compete because we are grown up in a competitive nature where there is only one winner.

2. "Each woman has a unique path, unique talents, and unique challenges."  I love this! I believe this is so true.  I have a hard time with this because I find myself constantly saying "I wish I had a house like so and so," "I wish I had bills paid off like so and so," "I wish I had the strength to work out and lose weight like so and so," but I don't.  I am a unique individual with a unique path, unique talents, and unique challenges there is no one out there that is like me I am unique!

3. The last thing would be to appreciate all things beautiful.  I love this, it is so simple yet so powerful.  I think I need to focus more on how life is beautiful and how things just always seem to work out in the end instead of trying to control everything and try to be perfect in everything. 

I decided I would take my favorite quote from this subject on competing and create a little print out.  You can download it from the link below or just look at it.  I don't expect everyone to have to download it just thought I would create it for myself and share it in case anyone else wanted it as well.  Here it is:   

This is a free printable that I have created just for you! I hope you enjoy it! You can click here to download it for free!!

       

Back to Basics...

I first off just want to say thank you to all of those that left heart felt comments on my blog post "I Surrender" it truly means so much to me to have you take time out of your day to share those words of encouragement with me.  Having people leave comments makes trials and challenges a little easier to go through.  So, thank you so much again!

Now, I have been struggling lately with blogging.  I have had a hard time finding inspiration and encouragement to continue.  I have found myself focusing more on the page views and the followers than and competing with the big wigs of blogging and trying to be as successful as them overnight instead of focusing on why I started blogging in the first place.  I mainly started blogging so that I could have a place to talk about life issues as well as finding myself. You can read more about why I started blogging here.

Since my post is about going back to the basics I thought I would share 5 fun facts about myself so that you all might get to know me, and then tomorrow we can continue to dive into the serious topics of life.

1. I was married to my sweetheart, Derek Schouten, 4 years ago on Valentine's day 2009.  He is my everything, my support, and my rock.  He comforts me when I am sad or stressed and helps me know that everything will be alright.  We have two little dogs that are our children.  Patches (on the left) and Little Miss (on the right).

2.  My husband and I love to travel! My travel obsession started before I got married.  I have traveled to Europe twice seeing Paris, Italy, Germany, Austria, Belgium, and London.  I loved traveling there but my favorite places have been with my husband.  We have been to California, Albuquerque New Mexico, Hawaii and Mexico.

 



3. I have really small feet.  I realized this weekend that I can fit into my niece's shoes.  We were over at my sister-in-law's house on Friday, they live on a farm and I forgot to wear boots and wore slippers.  So I borrowed my niece's shoes.  Oh I forgot to mention one part, she is 8 years old.

This is my husband Derek kissing my sister-in-law's pig, Petunia.

4. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  I love this gospel and I am so grateful for it in my life.  It helps me get through the tough times in my life as well as gives me knowledge about life.  If you have any questions about my religion you can ask me or click here.

5.  I am a perfectionist but I am in no way perfect.  I am working on myself and my confidence and self esteem.  I have struggled with depression and negative thoughts about myself for a long time and am working on changing those thoughts..  I even struggle with trying to be perfect with blogging and being one of the great bloggers that I lose focus on what is really important.  I strive every day to do everything to the best of my abilities.  

I hope this has helped you get to know me.  I hope that you will continue with me in the journal to find self esteem and who we all are as people.  Thanks for stopping by!

I Surrender!....

Have you ever felt like you just want to surrender from the challenges of life, throw down the white flag and just say I give in?  That's how I feel right now, I just want to surrender and get a break.  The last couple of months have been the hardest times for my husband and I and I don't understand why.  We have had so many car issues that are constantly breaking down we have had 11 cars in the 4 years we have been married.  A couple of days ago we just found out we owe taxes, $600 worth.  I hate taxes, I just don't understand them and I hate that we have to pay.  It's funny though if you think about it, when you have to pay taxes you hate them but when you get money back from taxes you love them.  This year we hate them.  Then to top it all off my husband, Derek, just got laid off from his job yesterday.  I just don't know how much more I can handle from all of this.

Then this morning, I came into work to read my Bloglovin' feed and I read this wonderful blog post from Mallory from 'From California to Kansas' had a great post that is exactly what I needed today.  Head on over here to read her post.  I just wanted to share an awesome quote that she had on her blog that spoke directly to me.

Source: google.com via Mallory from 'From California to Kansas'

Source: Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

I hope you all know that challenges will come and they will go but they will help you.  It could be that Heavenly Father could be lining things up in your life to make your life better.  I hope know things will get better for us.  However, sometimes it just sucks going through it.  Until next time!

Drops of Awesome!!

Yesterday I sent an email out to my mother-in-law and my sisters-in-law letting them know of this blog that I created not to long ago.  This morning I just received the sweetest email from my mother-in-law with a really amazing topic and attachment.  One thing that she said to me that really stood out was: "There are things about you that you are unhappy with.  That is the nature of this life.  We constantly strive to be more, to be better, to be different and are never happy with the 'me' at the present.  That's okay as long as we realize we are a work in progress."  I love this! I need to remember every day that I am still a work in progress, I may not be perfect now but I can continue to work on myself and the things that aren't perfect and make them perfect.

In this email that she sent to me she also included an attachment from an email that she received.  It was a copy of a blog post that talked about these 'Drops of Awesome.'  My mother-in-law was unsure where it came from but of course this wonderful thing that we have in our lives now called the Internet helped me find where it came from so I can give credit.  Kathryn Thompson with Daring Young Mom wrote this post about these 'Drops of Awesome.'  I would like to share with you a few things that I loved and learned from her.  She talks about these negative thoughts that come into our head either after we have done something that we thought was awesome or during.  Some examples she gives are: "Wow so you cleaned the kitchen today.  Want a cookie?  That dirty rag has been on the counter for a week and those dishes you so righteously cleaned are from breakfast three days ago.  You are embarrassing."  Unfortunately, I may or may not have had these thoughts at one point in my marriage.  She continues: "How destructive are these kinds of thoughts? As I said goodbye to Magoo and started to walk back home, my mind started to shift.  Drops of Awesome!  I thought.  Every time you do something good, something kind, something productive, it's a drop in your Bucket of Awesome.  You don't lose drops for every misstep.  You can only build. You can only fill."  I love this idea! For everything good thing that I have done lately I just think that's another 'Drop of Awesome' and eventually those negative thoughts will become not as prevalent anymore. One last thing that I loved that Kathryn said was, "You don't need to wait three months to be who you want to be.  Pick up ten things right now and say, 'Drops of Awesome! I am someone who takes care of my house.  That is who I am.  I have proof.'"  Isn't she so inspiring?  If you have a couple minutes today I just ask that you head over to her blog and read this post that she did on 'Drops of Awesome,' there is a lot more in there that I would like to share with you but then it would turn into an even bigger post than it is now.

So now we are at the end of this post.  I am so grateful that my mother-in-law shared this with me today.  It inspired me to change what I tell myself and just in the couple of minutes I have been writing this post I have given myself some 'Drops of Awesome' and I am starting to feel so much better about myself already.  I completed a blog post today! 'Drop of Awesome' in my bucket!  I have written two blog posts in two days! Two 'Drops of Awesome' for that one!!!  Try it all day today and see how you start feeling by the end of the day!

Until next time!

Stop Pretending to be "Fine"

Have you ever been asked the infamous question "How are you" and you respond with "Fine" when inside your heart is screaming out that it's not fine and that your not okay?  Have you ever wanted to scream out to the world that you are broken, frustrated, overwhelmed and not okay one bit?  If so, then this post is for you.

On my favorite show that I always talk about, Studio 5, they had a segment a couple of weeks ago called 'Stop Pretending to be 'Fine''  I really enjoyed this segment because it spoke directly to me.  Whenever someone asks me how I am doing I always put a smile on my face and say "I am fine" or "Good" when really I am having the hardest time.  But sometimes I am afraid of spilling my guts or complaining about things in my life that may not seem like such a huge deal to them. One thing that Julie de Azevedo Hanks said in this segment is to 'asses the relationship.' If anacquaintance asks you how you are doing you might respond differently than if a family member or close friend asks you how you are doing. I always try to sound happy and act like nothing is going on but sometimes I just let it all out to family and it has actually helped sharing somethings with them. I have a wonderful sister-in-law that has helped me through some dark times. She has been in these situations before and she has really helped me out. It's nice when you finally let out how you really feel and you find out that they have been through the same thing and share with you what helped them overcome that situation.

The last thing that I liked from this segment was when she talked about being brave. She says; "What will I gain if I share my real self with others? It takes courage to be real and share your struggles, but the payoff is worth it. Closer relationships, more emotional support and help are just a few of the benefits of sharing more of yourself with others. I hope this is true because that is why I started this blog. For the longest time I always felt like I was the only one going through some of the struggles I am going through but then a couple of weeks ago I found out that I wasn't the only one out there and that there were many others going through trials like me.

Since I am talking about being brave and sharing how you really feel, I would like to share with you what I am going through right now. This is a little hard for me to talk about but I can't overcome my feelings if I don't share them. I suffer with major insecurity. I always feel like what I do is never good enough. I was not an A student like my brothers, I am not amazing at sports like my brothers, or popular like them. I don't have children, and suffer from spending too much money and in result with debt. I don't have a lot of friends and feel like it is really hard for me to make friends. I feel like I have all of these great things in mind for me and can see where my life would go but then when I try to get there I just fall short and can't complete them like I thought. Maybe I just set my goals too high for me to complete, whatever it is, I would like it to stop so I can feel accomplished. Have you ever felt this way? If so, how did you overcome these thoughts and feelings? How have you succeeded in something that you really wanted to accomplish? If you want, take a minute to share some ideas, I would really appreciate it! Thanks for letting me share my true feelings! Until next time!

ABC's of Me!

I found this amazing idea from Catalyn with Confessions of a Northern Bell.  I loved her idea and I thought it would be a great idea for me to do so all of my followers can know more about me.  So here it goes:

A is for AGE:  23
B is for BED size:  Queen

C is for CHORE you hate:  Laundry

D is for DOGS:  I love dogs! I have two dogs Patches who is a Doxen, Terrior, Lab Mix.  Our other one is Little Miss who is a Yorkie Poodle.

E is for ESSENTIAL start to your day:  kisses from my husband ;)

F is for FAVORITE color:  Blush Pink and Grey

G is for GOLD or silver:  Silver

H is for HEIGHT: five feet, three inches.

I is for INSTRUMENTS you play:  I play the piano but I used to play the flute back in Junior High

J is for JOB title:  Receptionist

K is for KIDS:  Not yet!

L is for LIVE:  Farmington, Utah

M is for MARRIAGE:  4 years and going strong!

N is for NICKNAMES:  I don't really have any.

O is for OVERNIGHT hospital stays:  None! Count my blessings!

P is for PET PEEVE:  When people chew with their mouth open.

Q is for QUOTES:  "Our birthright—and the purpose of our great voyage on this earth—is to seek and experience eternal happiness."

R is for RIGHTY or lefty:  Righty

S is for SIBLINGS: 4 brothers: 16, 14, 12, 9

T is for TIME you wake up: usually 7 but most times I try to get up at 6:30 but don't get out of bed until 7.

U is for UNIVERSITY you attended: Weber State University in Ogden, Utah

V is for VEGETABLES you dislike:  Cucumbers, carrots, squash, potatoes

W is for WHAT makes you run late:  my hair and makeup.

X is for XRAYS you've had:  back, finger

Y is for YUMMY food:  sushi, pasta, brownies, Texas Sheet Cake

Z is for ZOO animal:  polar beer, tigers, elephants, monkeys

That is a little bit about me! Enjoy!

Allie Jeanene Stringham - The Most Amazing Person I Knew

I am sorry I have not written a blog post in a little bit.  I have been having a really hard time since Wednesday.  On Wednesday at 3:00 p.m. I got a phone call from my mom, she sounded very sad and I was unsure of what was going on.  She proceeded to tell me that my Grandma Stringham was in the hospital and that she was not doing good.  As soon as I heard this I knew she was not going to last long.  She had been in the hospital multiple times before but this time was different.  The doctors found a tumor in her stomach that was bleeding and also it looked like there could be cancer in her stomach. They told her that they had medications, and surgeries that they can try if she wanted.   She told the doctors that she can not fight anymore and that she felt it was her time to go.  She passed away that night at 5:30 surrounded by her husband and children and grandchildren.  

Jeanene was the most amazing person I have ever met in my life.  Last week I started a new topic where we focus on finding out who we really are as people.  You can see the blog post here. I had no idea that she was going to pass away just two days after writing that post.  I was not able to say goodbye to her when I got to the hospital she was too sedated, but I know she knows how I feel.  Her funeral was yesterday and it was the best funeral I have ever been to.  We had a lot of people that came out to support my Grandpa and show love to my Grandma.  There were a lot of wonderful talks reminiscing about her and sharing qualities and attributes about her.  Here are a couple of things about Allie Jeanene Stringham that I would like to share with you.  

 This is Jeanene at age 3. She was the cutest little girl ever!  

She loved riding horses and being outdoors with nature.  She always loved to sit outside on her patio and listen to the birds chip and watch the deer come into her yard.  

 This is her as Queen of a Green Ball growing up.  She was so beautiful.  She was also Miss Bountiful, one of the top 10 contestants of Days of '47 Rodeo Queen, and a hand model.  She was so talented and very intelligent. 

This is my Grandma and my Grandpa.  They were so in love throughout all of their marriage.  My Grandma was my Grandpa's eyes and he was her hands and at the end of her life her legs.  

My grandma is such an example to me and I hope to strive to be just like her.  She always kept a journal through out all of her life and scrap booked her life.  She has over 30 scrapbooks.  She loved sewing and painting and created the most beautiful things.  I could go on and on for days about how amazing my Grandma is but I won't.  I hope you enjoyed getting to know a little bit about the woman she was and what a great example she was to me.

Confessions

Today my post is brought to you by two lovely ladies that I am following: Lisette with Northern Belle Diares, and Catalyn with Confessions of a Northern Belle, they are having an "I confess... Wednesday Link-Up Party" and I am kind of nervous to confess things but I hope you enjoy it.

I confess..... that I am loving blogging but I am kind of overwhelmed.  I look at all of these talented bloggers and think I will never get there but really hope I can.

I confess.... that I secretly love watching the Bachelor even though some of the girls are really bother me sometimes but I just love all the drama!.  I don't ever miss an episode.

I confess.... that I LOVE spending money, even when we don't have a lot of money to spend.  For some reason I just have to spend money.  This year we are trying to be really good about saving money and paying some things off but it is so hard for me to do so. Here's to hoping I can control myself!

I confess... that I was so excited that my husband suggested we went out to eat dinner last night, I was trying to drop hints that I didn't want to cook dinner.  Either he caught on to my hints or he just really wanted to eat out, either way I was so excited that I didn't have to cook dinner!

I confess... that I have been having a hard time getting pregnant for a couple of years and really wish I had a baby of my own so for now I love everyone else's babies like they were my own!

I think that is all of the confessing I have in me for today.   What do you confess? And remember to visit Lisette and Catalyn's blogs to link up!  Thanks for reading!

Do You Know Who You Are?

One of my many struggles in life at this moment is knowing who I am.  I think for a long time I have grown up under my parents wing and not really known how to figure out how to be myself or who that really is.  Within the last couple of months I have been really struggling with who am I and who do I want to become? I feel like I am getting older and feeling like my old high school self when other people my age seem so much more grown up than I am.  Maybe that is due to the fact that they have kids and I don't, I am not sure why I feel that way.  Since I started this blog I have really tried to research some topics and get ideas on what to talk about and I feel like this is one of the biggest things that I need to figure out for myself before I try to fix all the other problems I have.

I was browsing through Studio 5 looking at past articles that they had for the 'Living Without Pretending' segment that they have this month and I came across exactly what I was looking for.  'Do You Know Who You Are' was a segment that they had a couple weeks ago and it was perfect for what I was needing.  Of course it doesn't magically make me realize who I am but it will help me in that direction.  Here is the video from this segment:


Karen Eddington who is a Self-Worth analyst made this very real and true comment: "We don't magically find ourselves, we create ourselves. We don't wake up one day and get it all at once and then keep that all-at-once mindset our entire life. Rather, we create ourselves through choices and being accountable for those choices. We fear making a wrong choice, we fear failure, and we fear rejection so we often try to remain neutral. We pretend instead of take a risk. We are fake because sometimes it hurts to be real. Don't pretend--choose."  I added a link to her website by clicking her name.

On her website she has a link to a worksheet called 'I Am.'  This is a great work sheet to start finding out who you really are.  I thought that it would be good to share my answers on this worksheet with you. So for the next four weeks every Tuesday I will be sharing a portion of this 'I Am' worksheet with you so stay tuned!  I encourage all of you to go on her website and download this and answers these questions for yourself either on a blog or in a journal.

The first piece that it talks about is Heritage: Where do you come from? I come from a great mormon family.  I was born in Salt Lake City, Utah and raised in Bountiful and Centerville.  My mother is from Salt Lake and is such a talented lady.  She is the strongest lady I know, she had to be raising myself and four brothers.  My father was born and raised in Bountiful Utah.  He is the strongest, most loving father I could have ever asked for.  He has given me the life that I could have only dreamed of living, even though at times I may not have seemed grateful.  I think the person that I would love to be growing up and the person that I look up to in finding who I am is my Grandma Stringham.  She is the strongest, most talented, and spiritual person I know.  She has been through so much in her lifetime and I have not heard her complain once.  She loved sewing, painting, and making these beautiful dolls but arthritis has gotten the best of her.  She is not able to do those things that she loves anymore but I have never heard her complain once about it in her life.  I want to strive to be just like her and try to not complain about things in my life anymore no matter how big or small the trial may be.  That is only a little bit about my heritage, there are a lot more people that I look up to but that would turn into a novel and this is a blog post not a book.

So I hope you take time out of your busy day to first watch the video from Studio 5, download the 'I Am' worksheet and write up the answers in your journal or some where you keep safe.  Thanks for reading!

Bloglovin

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You are what you listen to

Yesterday when I was browsing through Pinterest looking for ideas for my blog I came across this image:

Link to this image is here.

When I first saw this image I just saw the words and thought it related to something completely different than what it is supposed to relate to.  I took this to relate to us listening to ourselves and what our brain might tell ourselves. I think there is a great hidden meaning behind this. I struggle sometimes telling myself good things about myself or things that I have accomplished and instead focus on the things that I don't do right.  My husband and I have this thing that we do when we may have done something wrong or done something that might upset each other. This thing that we do is calling ourselves terrible.  For example if I spent too much money one month and my husband started talking to me about it I would automatically say, "I am sorry I am such a terrible wife."  We have been doing it for so long that I have actually started feeling that I am a terrible wife and that I can't seem to do anything right.  If I were to change that sentence around and say: "I am sorry for spending so much money, I will work harder next month to control my spending habits."  It may not have as negative of effect as if I said it the first way. If we are constantly listening to us calling ourselves negative names or focusing on things that we could be doing better in our lives it could lead to negative feelings and thoughts.  

So my goal for the rest of this week and beyond is to focus on telling myself that I may not be perfect but I am a pretty awesome person! Hopefully by doing this I can change my way of thinking and I can be happier a happier person, not only on the outside but also on the inside.  

May we keep the quote in our mind from the book and movie The Help: "You is kind.  You is smart.  You is important."

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Welcome!

Hello blogging world! My name is Kristin Schouten.  My dear friend Amberly Lambertsen (you can view her blog here: Life with Amberly and Joe) has been talking to me for a few weeks about her blog and what she has been writing and how much she has enjoyed it.  It got me thinking that I would love somewhere to share my frustrations, joys, interests, and thoughts, not only for myself, but also for the other people out there who might be going through the same things I am and can help me or others as well.

I was recently introduced to a program called Studio 5 that airs every day on KSL, a local news station here in Utah.  The wonderful person who introduced me to this show was my mom, and ever since I have absolutely loved watching it!  One of the segments on this show this month is called 'Live Without Pretending', one of the topics in the segment is 'Am I Fake?' This is the topic that got me hooked on the show.

All of us are fake in some way or another whether we mean to be or not.  Some of us wish that we weren't so fake, and others may not even realize that we are fake in the first place.  I'll be the first to admit that I am 100% guilty of this.  I have pretended to laugh at something when it wasn't funny, pretended to be someone's friend and then talked about them behind their back.  'Am I Fake?' has been a real eye opener and encouraged me to change the way I act toward other people.  I have been striving to not act fake in my every day communications and actions with other people.

It has also made me start to think about how I can be a better person in my life.  How can I strive to be all that I can be?  How can I be myself when I may not know who that really is?  And that's what brought me here, to my blog, 'Be You. Love You.'  I hope to post topics on here where we can talk, grow, and learn together about being ourselves and not worry so much about what other people think.

So I welcome all of you to my blog where I hope we can all feel comfortable talking about how to be true to ourselves and love who we are at the same time.